Wet Dreams- Jessie Spano Edition (Elizabeth Berkley)

I know that Jessie Spano was just a character on a TV show… I know that she wouldn’t let any ol’ misogynistic comment slide… I know that she was at times too serious… But I appreciated those things about her.

Jessie just wanted a guy with a mind and some manners. I remember realizing that when I was younger. I also realized that little ol’ female me could do nothing for her but that didn’t stop me from wanting to.

I’ve always had a thing for tall, leggy women so Jessie was absolutely perfect for me. I always imagined making out with her. I could see her putting the same passion that she put into feminist subjects into her kisses.

The idea of making out with Jessie still makes me wet. I want to end up with my head between her legs, with her juices all over my mouth, her above me moaning And saying:

I’m so excited!!

I’m soooo excited!

Only difference is, she won’t cry after she says that… She’ll just cum like crazy while her clit pulsates on my tongue…

Wet Dreams- Kirstie Alley Edition

I’m tired of Kirstie Alley always losing weight. I’m all for having a healthy life and having a healthy body but I get tired of Kirstie Alley damn near trashing herself when she is on the heavier side.

I saw Kirstie Alley for the first time when I saw Look Who’s Talking. I thought that she was very funny and pretty in a non-conventional sort of way. Sooo, fast forward a few years to when she was a Jenny Craig spokesperson. I loved seeing how happy she appeared but I kept thinking “I fucking love you, big or small”.

I love her with a bit more weight on her because she has this awesome figure, complete with a booty and sexy, curvy thighs. I hate that society and Hollywood shits on the bigger woman so much. There aren’t many things that can make me happier than seeing a big, fine woman wearing a curve hugging dress that accentuates a sexy, womanly figure.

Kirstie Alley has always come across as likeable and witty. She’s the type of woman I would have wanted as a girlfriend, not just a sexual partner. I would want to go to the movies with Kirstie, just to see a comedy and see her laugh loudly. I would want to stay in the house and order food, and eat like messy people and drink wine and laugh. I couldn’t imagine not having fun with Kirstie.

She strikes me as the type of woman to not want to be too exposed when having sex, but I would want her naked as the day she was born, right in front of me, and I would show her everything that I appreciated about her body. I’ll keep exactly how I would do it to myself, but yeah, it’s fucking naughty. Feel free to keep your mind in the gutter. 🙂

Kirstie and her fine, thick ass has been my wet dream for a while. Go ahead, Kirstie, lose more weight, you still can’t get rid of me.

Wet Dreams- Anne Hathaway Edition

I didn’t pay much attention to Anne Hathaway until I saw her in The Dark Knight Rises.

It’s not that I didn’t see that she was a cute girl. It’s not that I didn’t notice those big ol’ juicy lips. It’s probably because she wasn’t wearing leather.

I never was much of a leather lover. I leave it for Sisqo and other people like him who wear it well. When I saw Anne Hathaway in her Catsuit… I lost it a little bit. She had these bright lips and her outfit was so snug.. And not snug like “Go and get a size up” but snug like “I wish I were your pants because I wanna be close to that ass”.

Anne Hathaway always looked rather unassuming and cute and that leather made her look like a complete bad girl. I doubt that I could ever see her as the good girl next door type after The Dark Knight. It’s too late for that. I’ve had too many dirty thoughts.

I’ve dreamt of her being a dominatrix and her ordering me around to do silly things, like bark like a dog or make elephant noises. I would happily do it because it would make her happy. I’ve imagined myself making a sound she doesn’t like and her taking her whip and having me make the get on all fours to practice.

Mistress Anne: Bark like a dog.

Me: Woof woof woof

WHAP!! That whip hurts more than I thought it would…

Mistress Anne: Bark like a big dog! You sound like a chuhuahua, and I don’t like chihuahuas!

Me: WOOOF WOOOOF WOOOOOF

WHAP!!! Holy shit…. My asscheeks are going to be red…

Mistress Anne: I don’t like rottweilers. Don’t bark like a rottweiler. Bark like a yellow lab.

Me: arrrff arrf arrf?

WHAP!!  WHAP!!

WHAP!!

Mistress Anne: Move your hand! You will take the punishment for not doing as asked!!

I can totally see her just humiliating me in that manner, playing mind games and making me feel stupid… and at the end of it all, it will be totally worth it. Perhaps she’ll reward me by letting me taste her smooth, sweet pussy… Perhaps she’ll make me sit at the edge of the bed while she plays with herself and I will be given the pleasure of her allowing me to use my face as something she wants to squirt on… If I’m lucky she’ll let me lick her ass while she’s on all fours, fucking her pussy with a dildo…

Oh, Mistress Anne…

What Ruins Porn For You?

I can’t stand watching a porn where only one person looks like they are enjoying themselves. This isn’t gender specific in my opinion.

I’ve seen women in porn, specifically man/woman porn, where the woman is so completely quiet and clearly not enjoying her partner at the time. These stiff women piss me off. When I watch porn, I like to imagine that I’m in that woman’s body feeling what she’s feeling. So if she looks like the dick sucks, I feeeel like the dick sucks. And then I switch to a different porn. She could be uncomfortable and maybe she needs the money… She could’ve realized that the guy was a douchebag before they started to film and she couldn’t get some asshole comment he said out of her head. Who knows?

When I watch girl/girl porn I can always spot the girl who doesn’t want her face in someone’s snatch. She’ll be the girl who goes down on another girl and lick some pussy lips and decide that it wasn’t the best idea and then she’ll blindly stick her nails, long ass acrylic nails and all, into the girl’s pussy. Throughout all of this, there isn’t any wetness occurring at all. It’s not unfathomable to understand why a girl wouldn’t get wet from someone’s sharp acrylic nails stabbing their pussy. So, once the fake moaning is over, guess who is the most eager and willing candidate to put their pussy in someone’s face?? Ol’ Pussy Stabber, that’s who!
I always get mad with those women. Don’t sign up to eat pussy if you aren’t going to come to the set with an appetite . That’s like becoming a construction worker but deciding that you absolutely cannot get dirt on your boots. Fucking unreasonable.

I hate seeing men wearing socks in porn. It’s usually a black guy, hung as hung could be, but the socks take away from it for me.

I dislike quiet in porn… But in the same notion, I dislike too much talking.

I am beginning to love watching Japanese women squirt. They are so fluid about it. No pun intended.

I hate it when I see those “first time” videos don’t actually convey a feeling of the act being performed the first time. Don’t show me some “teen” who is having anal sex for the first time but she rides a ten inch cock for fifteen minutes upon insertion. Fuckin’ liar. You’ve been riding cock up your ass for a few years now because I’ve never heard of anyone being that good the first time they had anal sex.

Do you have any porn pet peeves?

Wet Dreams- Shanola Hampton Edition (Veronica from Shameless)

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See that picture there? That’s Veronica’s mom grabbing her boob. She was showing her some odd breastfeeding method..

But, in my head, I imagine that the hand on that titty was my hand. I felt like an immature pre-teen seeing a boob for the first time. I rewinded this part of the episode over and over. I love this girl. I’ve seen her naked a whole lot on the show. I love how comfortable she appears to be with her body. She’s full of sass and attitude on the show and I can’t imagine the actress being any other way in real life. It would be a damn shame if she was meek and quiet.

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She’s got this beautiful dark skin that looks smooth as I don’t know what. She probably soaks in coconut oil when she isn’t filming. I’ve noticed that a lot of dark skinned people tend to be smoother than just about every other motherfucker walking around. I’m a light brown color and I’ve touched people who were the darkest shades of brown and some who were closer to a beautiful onyx color and it can’t be a coincidence that they feel like bunnies, silk, and baby bottoms. 

One of my first girlfriends -ok, let’s not glorify what it was, I loved her and she just sat on my face all the time, not that I complained- was dark skinned and everything on that girl just begged to be touched. Seeing Shanola’s character on Shameless makes me nostalgic of the girl I was with. Short, opinionated, and sexually free. You can’t go wrong with that equation.

Wet Dreams- Miley Cyrus Edition

As much as I love Miley Cyrus, I think she’d be entirely too damn freaky for me. I can’t see her having “vanilla” sex of any kind, which isn’t a bad thing but I can see her getting just way too turned up and free. She’d probably be on Molly and Coke and just be a real sloppy fuck.

My dingaling senses are telling me to kind of avoid Miley.

Wet Dreams: Porscha Williams Edition

So, let me put this disclaimer here before I start:

After almost ripping out Kenya’s hair, it seems like we’ve got an all-new Porscha. One that has a shitty attitude and doesn’t care to apologize if she’s done something wrong. I was so turned off when she arrived late to meet Cynthia and then got mad at Cynthia because Cynthia felt she deserved an apology. Just…ugh. So, there’s that disclaimer!

“Ugh” might be her attitude but her body is a different story. We know it’s manufactured but who cares?

I wouldn’t give a damn.

In my fantasy land I just want a whole lot of time to devote to watching Porscha get herself off. The voyeur inside of me is drawn to aesthetically pleasing people, and with all of that ass, those pretty doe eyes, and those legs, Porscha is someone to watch!

I even love how she’ll usually have her hair skimming the top of her ass. That’s on purpose, people. She knows how to wear her ass and her hair.

I don’t see her wanting to suck too much cock but mine is imaginary and honestly, it’s Porscha and any sucking that is required, I will do it. Toes, tits, and clit!

Did I really just say toes, tits and clit? I’m dirty lol