This Crap Idea of Being a Homeowner

For most of my life I lived in an apartment setting. I lived in four apartments in NYC and one apartment here in Plattsburgh. Now that I am a homeowner and no longer live in an apartment, I wonder why I ever made the switch.

Growing up, it was always the dream to be financially set enough to buy a home and a car and somehow, life would be abso-fucking-lutely perfect. Why didn’t I see the fine print?

Oh, because there was no fine print. No one in my family had ever owned their own home so no one knew the fine print. This is one of those times I really wish I had a family member reach an accomplishment like this when I was younger, that way I could’ve heard about the bullshit.

With being a renter, there is a little thing called “Tenant’s Rights” and the rules and regulations vary from state to state. Not that every landlord abides by them, but generally the rules are there to make sure your landlord respects your residency and your needs as a resident.

With being an owner, there is this little thing called “Scratching and Surviving”. It’s where, if something falls apart or something doesn’t want to work anymore, you have to fix it. So what if you don’t have the money. Your house will be mean and cruel and play these little jokes on you when you definitely don’t have extra money. The last joke I was able to address was when the water heater crapped out. My house watched and laughed as I paid the $850.00 for a new heater and installation. It wasn’t a little “hee hee hee” either. It was a loud, bellowing “Ha Ha Ha Hardy Har Har”. Fuck you, house.

So, after playing the game of “Scratching and Surviving”(which doesn’t actually really end, you just kind of ignore it and act like the game is over), you then play “Sit At The Edge of Your Seat and Wait For The Next Repair”.

And You come home and see that the refrigerator has died and along with it, all of the groceries you stuffed into it yesterday.

And If it isn’t your fridge, it’s your kitchen sink that decides that no amount of Drano or baking soda/vinegar will unclog it.

And If it isn’t your kitchen sink, it will be your septic system, which has decided to make fresh turds appear from underneath your lawn and onto your driveway. That sounds like a magic trick. No magic- Just your house being a fucking comedian again.

And if it isn’t your septic system, it will be something else! The repair is never going to be something easily resolved either. Duct tape or glue is no longer valuable.

It’s times like this that I wish that I kept on renting. If I could go back in time and acknowledge that dealing with a landlord I don’t particularly like isn’t all that bad, I would do it. At least they would have to fix all of the repairs and I wouldn’t have to.

I don’t like the “Scratching and Surviving” game anymore. House, 5. Me, 0.


2 thoughts on “This Crap Idea of Being a Homeowner

  1. I guess all that extra money ya dump into a home is for what? The security of knowing you own it? I’ve walked your path, I failed, and now I rent – not sure which holds more power yet.


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