I am not going to physically discipline any children I
have. Call it spanking, whooping, beating, or whatever else. I don’t like any of it. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember and there’s nothing that can change my mind. I don’t agree with “Spare the rod, spoil the child”. I think it screams idiocy.
More than being idiotic in my opinion, it feels like the easy way out. Is keeping your cool when you’re angry with your child difficult? It can be. I only have an eleven-month old son so I haven’t experienced the headache that say, a 9 year old or 15 year old can cause but I still believe that you don’t have to hit a child for a child to understand how you feel or as a measure of the severity of the situation.
My Mother used to physically discipline all of her children. I was not better than any of her other three children but for some reason, I didn’t get hit. I remember not being as hard-headed and stubborn as my siblings, and those were the two attributes that pissed my Mother off the most. I’m not going to lube up this post with “I love my Mother but…” blah blah blah. I hate it when people try and sugarcoat turds. Does it make them taste any better? Absolutely not. My Mother was wrong for what she did and it shaped my stern stance on discipline.
I am five years younger than my sister. I recall being either 6 or 7 years old when I saw my Mother yelling at my sister for something that she did and she straight up slapped her in the face. My sister began to cry and shake and my Mother only got angrier, telling her to “shut up before she gave her something to cry about”. I remember thinking, “Gosh.. That seemed like something to cry about…”.
I can recall my mother beating my sister with a leather belt. The sharp sounds of leather cracking onto my sister’s legs and back has never left my mind. I remember trying to console my sister after our Mother had left the room. My sister kind of snapped at me to leave her alone. I felt helpless while she sat there and cried. This was one of many beatings I saw my sister get. This was one of many items I saw my Mother use.
I never want my child to grow up and say that I was frustrated beyond comprehension and that it led to a beating. I don’t want to be resented. Resent me because I didn’t let you have an alcoholic beverage until you’re legal, not because I beat you like you stole something.
I’ve told people my opinion, people who either already beat or intend to beat their children and their reply is usually something like “You just wait until your kids get on your nerves, you’ll change your perspective.”
As if I’m that flippant and impatient. Let me tell you, there are many people and many things that get on my nerves. People who smoke in their car while children are present piss me off. People who insinuate that I feed my breastfed eleven month old cheetos and twinkies because he’s super heavy for his age infuriates me. Women who make the poor attempt of flirting with my Husband make me angry. Yet, I don’t go around snatching everybody’s wig because they’ve gotten under my skin. Why would I have less patience for my own little person that I care about?
Also, some people assume that I will let stuff slide because I refuse to hit my child. Not the case! Do I want that one child running around the store, tearing up everything up and not listening? No! I didn’t do that and I didn’t get beat. There are ways to groom a respectful, obedient child. It involves words, not slaps, belts, cords, or hangers.
I’m incredibly lucky because My Husband and I have agreed on this topic since we ever first talked about it, way before the baby was here or on it’s way. I couldn’t have had children with someone who either wanted to physically discipline their child or was in the middle of the road about it. If I asked and their answer was “It depends on what they do”, that was all the red flag that I needed.
I’ll never have my children endure the beatings that my sister had to endure. I’ll never have my children endure the memories and residual resentment towards my Mother for beating her children.
For those of you who aren’t pro-physical discipline, what made you go that route?
For those of you that choose to physically discipline your children, what is the reason you see for it? When would it be considered abuse?