To my Husband:
1. I’d rather hold the baby than have sex. Not just right now but pretty much all of the time.
2. But I would totally be ready for that dude who played Khal Drogo on Game of Thrones.
3. In fact, have him arrive at the house dressed as Khal Drogo. You can take Gavin and have a nice walk somewhere for a little while….
To my neighbors:
1. Please stop inviting me to your bonfires. I’m not trying to keep ditching you but I’m black and because of that, I don’t want to sit near a fire getting bit by mosquitos. You guys must have some mosquito shield that I can’t see.
2. If you have a mosquito shield, can I fucking borrow it?
3. Don’t stand on my front porch without ringing my bell immediately. If i look out the window and see you just chillin on my shit, it creeps me out.