Being involved in a monogamous relationship with a man is difficult at times. Although I’ve never had a real relationship with women, I’ve had a few long term physical ones. You know, we go out to eat lunch and then we go some place, smoke some weed, and I eat dessert.
Dessert meaning pussy, just so were clear.
Speaking solely about a particular woman I am writing of, we didn’t discuss clear terms and conditions of what “we” were. It was an unspoken rule that every time we met up, we would have to end up somewhere with her clit on my tongue.
I never, ever wanted her to do anything to me physically. I only wanted to please her. I occasionally bought her stuff. I took her out to eat. I paid for a tattoo of hers. I gave her money to do her hair. I bought the weed we smoked. I felt like I was being seduced by her during every interaction, even through text. I gladly accepted it, too. I knew that she knew I was putty for her, but she didn’t abuse it. I got what I wanted, when I wanted it.
I had always called her “Kitten” via text or email and whenever she was horny she’d text me and be like “hey, it’s Kitten. What you doin?”
That meant “I’ve got some pussy over here that needs attention from you.”
I ate her pussy in her friend’s home when she was out. I ate her pussy in a stairwell. I ate her pussy in her mother’s apartment. Somehow, we never went to my house. I think that meant that we’d be “breaking the rules” and we’d actually appear to have a gf/gf relationship, and it was anything but that.
The problem was when I admitted that I cared so much. I wrote this girl a LONG, LONG email and she replied with a sentence. I told her how I wanted to give her whatever she needed. I told her that when I was with her, I felt like she was my girlfriend. I told her that I wanted to protect her. I was honestly hurt but not exactly surprised with her short, rather stoic response. Some dismissive shit like “oh, yeah. Me too.” Or some shit like that. I’ve wiped the exact words from my mind.
I now live a distance away from where I did before, so chances are I won’t run into her. I feel lucky because it would be awkward.